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People Who Avoid Confrontation Have These 18 Personality Traits

how to deal with someone who avoids conflict

It’s not always possible to just opt out or leave an interaction with someone who is being argumentative. For example, you can’t always walk away from conflict or a negative interaction at work or with someone in your family. When you are focused on the task at hand, you can keep negative emotions at bay. You will then be confident that you can come to a resolution that meets both your needs. You will learn from the situation and won’t feel you lost something in the process.

how to deal with someone who avoids conflict

What sort of body language should I use during a stressful conversation?

BetterHelp is an online therapy service that matches you to licensed, accredited therapists who can help with depression, anxiety, relationships, and more. Take the assessment and get matched with a therapist in as little as 48 hours. These small differences in communication can make all the difference in developing a healthy and sustainable relationship. As long as you and your partner are committed to bettering the relationship and communicating with one another with respect, there is nearly always a path forward. When you are in a romantic relationship, you likely want to feel comfortable speaking openly and honestly with your partner. When this open dialogue doesn’t occur, relationship satisfaction tends to decrease.

how to deal with someone who avoids conflict

Why is conflict avoidance not healthy?

They reflect your values, preferences, and expectations and help you define what is acceptable or unacceptable for you. Boundaries help individuals establish limits and protect their emotional and physical well-being. Without boundaries, individuals may not feel safe or secure in their relationships or environments. When approaching the person with whom you are in conflict, you might acknowledge the discomfort you feel before explaining why you believe it is important to talk things through. If you believe you have been wronged, rather than lashing out in anger, present your interpretation of the situation, and ask the other person to describe how they see things.

  • While a better understanding of the root of their behavior doesn’t erase your frustration, it can help you with techniques to deal with difficult people.
  • But in many cases, interpersonal conflict resolution could help repair a relationship, to the benefit of all involved, or end it with less pain.
  • She is also a consultant, psychotherapist, and clinical supervisor in private practice.
  • You’re heated, keyed up, overly emotional, and unable to sit still.

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how to deal with someone who avoids conflict

Many people experience the pain of estrangement from family members, which can arise without warning or explanation. And whether you view the recently documented phenomenon of “quiet quitting” as destructive slacking or healthy boundary setting, it can manifest as avoidance of hard conversations and negotiations about workload. Handling conflict with boundaries and assertiveness is not always easy, but it is achievable and beneficial.

It’s very tempting to hit the reply button, even though you know you are angry or hurt. It seems to me that these days, there’s greater tension and greater stress coming out of the pandemic, hybrid working, technologies like AI and the climate heating up. Additionally, they promote increased awareness and understanding between the young and old generations and raise self-esteem for both. It’s only natural that we find more in common with people near our age. However, that difference can also lead to an interesting equilibrium. It’s natural to want someone you care about to stop drinking so heavily.

Respect both of your boundaries and rights while being willing to compromise and negotiate. Stay open-minded and make sure you maintain a caring relationship with your partner regardless of conflict and its outcome. Finally, thank the other person for their time and effort, summarizing what you agreed upon, expressing appreciation, and hoping for a stronger relationship and a bright future. At its core, conflict avoidance is really people-pleasing, so it’s a form of codependency.

  • Do you ever work or socialize with people who are much older or much younger than you?
  • Communicating clearly can help prevent a minor disagreement from becoming something bigger than it needs to be.
  • You could even ask if your partner would consider inviting you to the events they are going to.

But when conflict is resolved in a healthy way, it increases your understanding of the other person, builds trust, and strengthens your relationships. Turning off in the face of conflict can sometimes be a part of your healing journey, Morales says. “Abusive relationships, environments, and situations may not be a place where we practice assertive communication,” she explains. That means that if you’ve experience abusive situations in the past, you may have learned to put your emotions last and not assert them.

  • “Reframe how you are viewing conflict,” Spinelli says.
  • Choose an appropriate time and location to have a discussion about the conflict and make sure that both parties are ready and willing to converse.
  • In general, hardworking folks have their minds in many different places, striving to achieve the most within a short period of time or even at once.
  • Take some time to stop the conversation and say, “The underlying issue here is trust.” Ask the question, “What is it that each side could do tomorrow morning to build trust?
  • To identify the source of the conflict, you have to pay attention and listen carefully.
  • If you worry that your boss will fire you for reinforcing this boundary, you might remind yourself that your boss is a reasonable person who values work-life balance.

Reasons for Difficult Behavior

If the answer to all of the questions above is a firm no, it probably means you can opt-out of the fight. I would hike with my dog and read how to deal with someone who avoids conflict a really good book. Managing the relationship means focusing on the outcome of a particular interaction, not the relationship itself.

Healthy and unhealthy ways of managing and resolving conflict

  • These can include parents, adult children, ex-spouses, and others with whom they must frequently interact.
  • With workplace challenges, understanding why a person is being difficult can help with the approach to handling them.
  • “Avoiding conflict can be well-intentioned, and you can learn how to help it grow and shift if that is what you desire,” Morales tells Bustle.
  • When a person makes life more stressful for you, it can be challenging to have empathy for them, or try to understand their point of view.

The phrase “conflict avoidance” implies that there will be a negative conflict or tension. Disagreement or sharing your feelings can be seen as an opportunity for growth for yourself and/or your relationship. It can be seen as engagement and a tool to create closeness. Gunnysackers silently keep score of all the annoyances, injuries, objections and wrongdoings in a relationship until they can’t take it another second. Then they act like a volcano and will often explode on the other person with a long list of issues. They use words like “always and never” as they bring up their long-held inventory of grievances.